Thank you for the kind comments last week, guys. It was pretty damn helpful to get some other perspectives.
Anyway, when it came to the crunch, after the meeting on Wednesday, I decided that
I couldn't handle myself if I didn't give America a go. That
I was worried about whether it would be a decision I would regret making for the rest of my life. So knowing that it was my decision made me feel a lot stronger about it, not like I am being forced into something I can't stop. So yeah, despite still being terrified at least I now have MADE a decision.
I'm still a bit iffy about the whole study of literature thing (Literature and Desire is the worst unit ever. EVER EVER. I hate it. Seriously today, talking about whether Lear wanted to screw Cordelia, please. PLEASE)... but I guess now I am seeing it as a necessary part, and if at 22 I wanna do something else I will still be young (I will still be young, I will still be young) and I will find the money somewhere. Or I will work for a bit and then I can always requalify later on in life. I don't have to solve my life into neat little packages at 19.
So, all that remains now is to work out
where in America I should go. There's a pretty big longlist, but I think I've narrowed my inital interest down to these:
University of California, CA (there's a whole variety of campuses on offer)
Reed College, Portland, OR
Clark University, MA
Rutgers (Camden, New Brunswick), NJ
University of Massachusetts (Amherst), MA
Temple University (Philadelphia), PA
University of Redlands, CA
Though I know very little about America other than what TV has taught me, so if any of you Americans (or anyone else who has any ideas, really!) on my friends list have any views on these universities or where else might be good (in terms of general location, because the list of universities is fixed) then I would really really really appreciate any input. I have to pick 5 and put them in order of preference! That's HARD. I have a few criteria: 1) Relatively easy to get to from UK 2) Not dessert-y, because I wilt in extreme heat (ssh, California would be fine, I'm sure!) 3) Good reputation/ interesting modules 4) Some form of pastoral care, would be nice. So yes, again, input, handholding etc greatfully received!
In other news: its essay season. GRR. Essays always make me fat :(